Lia, I feel your words so strongly. I left my corporate job four years ago without a plan and had been floundering up until about 9 months ago.
I have experienced ALL the emotions, identity loss, and social tax of getting off the Ivy League > Big Fancy Job pipeline. I’ve had to redefine my relationship to work, ambition, and success. It is like the most knotted necklace you will ever untangle.
And yet it’s not something you can think your way through, mentally map, or figure out in a certain amount of time no matter how hard you try. (I’ve tried!)
I know you want to put a label on who you are right now and what you’re doing, but you can’t. There isn’t one. Not when you’re In Process.
The most freeing words you can learn to say are: I don’t know. (Trust me, as someone who always thought she had to be the smartest person in the room and have The Answer, this takes practice!!).
I think you said it so beautifully when you wrote, “[I paused] my practice in order to spend more time with my babies, focus on my love of writing, and document it all on social media. And yes, fucking take pilates.”
That’s what you’re doing and it’s enough 💗
(PS I highly recommend the book ‘The Pathless Path’ by Paul Millerd).
Alison, thank you for saying that! I absolutely love this phrase, "I’ve had to redefine my relationship to work, ambition, and success. It is like the most knotted necklace you will ever untangle." It completely captures the sense of frustration I feel. It is definitely a process and, right now, I'm doing my best to lean into what that looks like and trust that it will lead me to where I need to be next. Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I appreciate it.
Feel this as I begin to consider what post-partum is going to look like… Think us prep school girls have been fed a steady diet of achievement politics/porn to the detriment of our happiness. Even without the hustling and development of a brand, taking time to be present parents is something worth celebrating. We’ve become so disconnected from our relational and biological needs… new narratives are needed but it’s also like… fuck everyone and their perception!! You/we/motherhood is “enough” and this idea that we need to externalize and perform at all times to justify our educations or prove our worth is… hollow? Idk but been thinking about this topic (and the whole framing of a power pause) a lot lately, wondering what these next decades look like and trying to lean into the excitement of the unknown
Incredibly well said and I couldn't agree more. I'm openly admitting that it's not only hard for me to get over public perception but also my own psychology. For so long, it has been drilled into me that I need to be more, do more, perform, excel etc. And, perhaps, my idea of what it means to be successful can change...maybe it's "seasonal" so to speak. Right now, being able to be there for my kids and knowing they feel loved and cared for is the priority. But, if I'm honest, it doesn't always feel like enough. That's what I'm working on. Thanks so much for reading and sharing!
Love this idea of “seasonal” metrics of success. Just thinking back on life so far, like, success at 10 v 15, 20, 25, or 30 so radically different!! We owe ourselves expansive imaginaries. Never mind an interrogation of what we even mean by success. That feeling of “enough” is tough in our social economy… competition and influence are the design! We become primed for accolades and recognition. The internal battle is half of it, but then the question of how to build a different kind of community and way of relating to others is a whole other beast. I have mixed feelings about the role that social media plays within it all, but enjoy seeing people like you grapple with the landscape.
Lia, I feel your words so strongly. I left my corporate job four years ago without a plan and had been floundering up until about 9 months ago.
I have experienced ALL the emotions, identity loss, and social tax of getting off the Ivy League > Big Fancy Job pipeline. I’ve had to redefine my relationship to work, ambition, and success. It is like the most knotted necklace you will ever untangle.
And yet it’s not something you can think your way through, mentally map, or figure out in a certain amount of time no matter how hard you try. (I’ve tried!)
I know you want to put a label on who you are right now and what you’re doing, but you can’t. There isn’t one. Not when you’re In Process.
The most freeing words you can learn to say are: I don’t know. (Trust me, as someone who always thought she had to be the smartest person in the room and have The Answer, this takes practice!!).
I think you said it so beautifully when you wrote, “[I paused] my practice in order to spend more time with my babies, focus on my love of writing, and document it all on social media. And yes, fucking take pilates.”
That’s what you’re doing and it’s enough 💗
(PS I highly recommend the book ‘The Pathless Path’ by Paul Millerd).
Alison, thank you for saying that! I absolutely love this phrase, "I’ve had to redefine my relationship to work, ambition, and success. It is like the most knotted necklace you will ever untangle." It completely captures the sense of frustration I feel. It is definitely a process and, right now, I'm doing my best to lean into what that looks like and trust that it will lead me to where I need to be next. Thank you so much for reading and commenting! I appreciate it.
Feel this as I begin to consider what post-partum is going to look like… Think us prep school girls have been fed a steady diet of achievement politics/porn to the detriment of our happiness. Even without the hustling and development of a brand, taking time to be present parents is something worth celebrating. We’ve become so disconnected from our relational and biological needs… new narratives are needed but it’s also like… fuck everyone and their perception!! You/we/motherhood is “enough” and this idea that we need to externalize and perform at all times to justify our educations or prove our worth is… hollow? Idk but been thinking about this topic (and the whole framing of a power pause) a lot lately, wondering what these next decades look like and trying to lean into the excitement of the unknown
Incredibly well said and I couldn't agree more. I'm openly admitting that it's not only hard for me to get over public perception but also my own psychology. For so long, it has been drilled into me that I need to be more, do more, perform, excel etc. And, perhaps, my idea of what it means to be successful can change...maybe it's "seasonal" so to speak. Right now, being able to be there for my kids and knowing they feel loved and cared for is the priority. But, if I'm honest, it doesn't always feel like enough. That's what I'm working on. Thanks so much for reading and sharing!
Love this idea of “seasonal” metrics of success. Just thinking back on life so far, like, success at 10 v 15, 20, 25, or 30 so radically different!! We owe ourselves expansive imaginaries. Never mind an interrogation of what we even mean by success. That feeling of “enough” is tough in our social economy… competition and influence are the design! We become primed for accolades and recognition. The internal battle is half of it, but then the question of how to build a different kind of community and way of relating to others is a whole other beast. I have mixed feelings about the role that social media plays within it all, but enjoy seeing people like you grapple with the landscape.