About a year and a half ago, in that oh so delusional way about me, I decided that it was not only appropriate but also necessary, in fact, my duty, to blab all over the internet about all the shit I wish someone had told me before I had kids. What in the world is that flakey stuff on my baby’s scalp, why do I need TWO strollers for the same kid, and why is my baby crying all the time? Perhaps more pressingly, why am I crying all the time and, for the love of God, is any of this normal? These are some of the questions that ripped through my sleep-deprived brain as I desperately tried to pump the milk out of my caricature-like breasts at 2:00 a.m. Oh, and how the fuck do I use this torture device they call a breast pump?
I was bewildered not only by the lack of practical information available for new moms but also by the dearth of candid conversations surrounding the more difficult elements of motherhood. Topics such as birth trauma, miscarriage, postpartum depression, and anxiety were rarely voiced and, when they were, they were so severely sanitized that they lacked relatability. Was I not privy to these discussions because I was one of the first of my friends to have a baby and there was simply a shortage of experience amongst my peers? Or was there a general unwillingness to talk about the less palatable aspects of motherhood? What I was missing was some good old-fashioned mom-to-mom girl talk—a space to offer up what I had learned and learn what I had yet to encounter, both the good and the bad.
In my attempt to fill that void, I did what any normal, desperate millennial would do in the twenty-first century and created a TikTok account. Onelitmama_ was born, in part, to feed my rather obvious need for attention but also, less cynically, to chronically overshare the unsolicited advice I wish I had been given before my frantic midnight google searches and to let others know that, in both their happiest and darkest hours of motherhood, they were not alone.
In the process of forming this online persona, I have said all the shit you’re not supposed to say: I absolutely fucking hate the newborn stage; having your partner most literally milk you like a cow may be necessary, albeit, incredibly demoralizing; no, your boobs will never (and I mean never) look like they did pre-baby; and yes, you can still die—or come close to dying—in childbirth. Put simply, I have spent the last 18 months demystifying and debunking the bag of bull we women have been sold about motherhood. But, truthfully, while motherhood has undoubtedly been my most arduous trial, it has also been my greatest gift. This Substack is an elaboration—a literary spewing if you will—on the joys and grievances of motherhood. It’s where I will answer your questions (or at least try, but honestly, we’re all just faking it aren’t we?) and essentially live-stream my identity and career crisis in the postpartum era. It’s also where I will continue to tell my story in hopes that you might find solace in our shared experiences.
Thanks for following along for the ride. Buckle up—I don’t come with brakes.
Yours truly, the littest of mamas,
Lia
